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My Thoughts on Mothering Special Kids

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In April, during spring break I had the rare opportunity to be almost-childless for a week. My four sons were sent off to California, to be with their father. My two stepdaughters were sent off to St. George, to be with their mother. That left seven full days with only my three-year-old to manage. Let’s see… what could I do with a free week? I wouldn’t have to be my son Garrett’s blood sugar sheriff. I wouldn’t have to worry about ADHD medications for my stepdaughters, or keeping them on track with their homework. I wouldn’t have to do Sunni’s … Continue reading →

Easter Again…a Reminder of our Miracles

It’s Easter again–six Easters after I broke one of my rules. The rule I broke? “No hassling doctors or social workers at home unless someone is dying.” But I needed to know! We were supposed to be having a medical consultation, via conference call, on whether the grim prognosis we’d initially gotten about our daughter’s sister was valid. Would she have needs that we would be unable to meet, given family health issues and our two other children? Somehow we had gotten the wires crossed. And I just couldn’t observe Easter without knowing: was I celebrating a new life that … Continue reading →

Musings

My daughters, while very intelligent, are experiencing some learning issues, especially with language. Language-based learning differences seem to be quite common among adopted children, as I noted in a previous blog. I remember hearing parents of kids with special needs say that the disappointments and hardships seemed small compared to the joy they had in their kids, or similar sentiments. I confess I thought these parents were not being entirely truthful. I thought, of course you love the child, but the limitations still must be disappointing. Now I think I know what they meant. It really surprised me when a … Continue reading →

A Memory Chip

It was Christmas Eve, and I was cooking a special meal for the family. Outside, a blizzard had just quieted to a few wandering flakes. A thick blanket of snow hushed all the early evening sounds. I checked the turkey in the oven and then went outside to marvel at how beautiful and peaceful it all was. Stars. Snow. I walked down the steps of our porch, across the yard. Then suddenly, I allowed myself to fall backward and make a snow angel. I wondered how old I was the last time I made one. Probably eight or ten. Then … Continue reading →

The Fourth Goodnight

Sunni, my thirteen-year-old stepdaughter with ADHD, has difficulty getting to sleep at night. Every evening the two of us go through a little ritual that I now call “the fourth goodnight.” Originally it caused me some irritation. After a while, I began to quietly tolerate it. These days, it brings a smile to my face. As it becomes later in the evening, I’ll watch her face begin to grow tired. It’s a face I know so well. Her eyes get glassy and she suddenly looks a few years older. “I’m tired,” she’ll say, pushing her long strawberry-blonde hair over her … Continue reading →

The Pain of Letting Go

I’ve decided that the primary task of motherhood is letting go. It starts with the physical pain of letting go of a tiny human being who has become part of our body for many months. This child has moved within us, been nourished from the vessels inside us, and has grown and developed as part of us. Despite this powerful physical connection, we must set this child free. This tiny son or daughter needs to become independent to survive. The first letting go is birth. It always involves pain. The recovery is difficult. Even the adopted child starts his life’s … Continue reading →

Grateful for the Little Things

When we parent children with special needs, we must learn to be grateful for the little things. Sometimes we have to step back from the bigger, more overwhelming picture, and celebrate the smaller successes. Even when progress isn’t being made as quickly as we’d like, there are a whole lot of things in our lives that bring us comfort and peace. We only need to remember and reflect. Try to think of ten “things” (not concepts) you’re thankful for—ten objects or sounds you interact with in your environment. Here are some I thought of: I am grateful… …for the sound … Continue reading →