"LADY, get control of your KID!"

by Kristyn Crow | More from this Blogger

03 May 2006 05:41 PM

Those of us with behaviorally disordered kids get them all the time: Stares. Glares. Looks of indignation. Eye rolls. Huffs. Puffs. Expressions that say, "Lady, get control of your kid!"

So this blog is dedicated to those people who shoot the looks of disapproval.

Dear shoppers on the run, strangers waiting in line, and cashiers at the counter,

It may look like I have failed miserably at raising a well-behaved child. He appears to be an ordinary kid who somehow turned into a monster from bad parenting. And maybe he is irritating you. Maybe you're annoyed beyond belief at my child's outbursts. You've had a long day, and my kid is whining, stomping his feet, and refusing to stand still. He's bumping into you in line. He's giving you a headache. Taxing, I know.

Just to enlighten you, I spend a great deal of my life "getting control of my kid." That includes visits with doctors, therapists, counselors, special education teachers, and behavioral specialists. I read books, articles, and often resort to my own trial-and-error experiments. My child has a disability; it's just not immediately apparent from his appearance. My all-consuming job of parenting this child is exhausting. And there are times I sit at home in frustrated contemplation, wondering what I could do better. I want to help my child fit in to the real world. But he is unique in every way. God designed him like that, perhaps to teach the rest of us a little patience and restraint. And maybe unconditional love.

The truth is, I'm a very good parent. I'm devoted. I use discipline, and I've exhausted various "time out" strategies. I don't eat bonbons and watch sitcoms while my kid has his run of the place. I haven't pampered him and spoiled him rotten, creating the reactions you're seeing. I'm not some kind of lame-brain who shouldn't have the right to be a parent. And I don't mean you any harm. I'd simply like to purchase the macaroni and cheese and cheerios in my cart, and be on my way. But it does mean that you might be inconvenienced.

I love my child.

Forgive the disruption, and thanks for understanding. (Do you?)

Sincerely,

The Lady with the Out-of-Control Kid

P.S. Can you babysit at my house on Friday night?

For tips on dealing with your childs tantrums in public, click here.

Learn more about Kristyn Crow

Kristyn Crow is the mother of seven children, and the author of three children's books. Visit her website at www.kristyncrow.com.

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Nicole Humphrey (15757) 04 May 2006 01:17 AM

Kristyn, Thank you for such an excellent article. I know how it feels. Mine is now 11 years old and a bit better at controlling himself, but boy do I remember those looks. Thank you for writing that and sharing it. What a difficult process to raise a child with a behavior disorder, and whether you meant to or not, you truly made me smile with your article!

Kristyn Crow (2546) 04 May 2006 01:33 AM

Thanks for your comment, Nicole! Just for clarification, most of my experiences with the "eye-rolls" happened years ago, when my son was a toddler. But I hear from parents of special needs kids about the glares they get all the time. So I was attempting to "speak" for all those parents. And yes, it's supposed to be funny! Thanks again.

Leisa Wilson (528) 04 May 2006 02:18 AM

Ohhhhhhh!! Boyyyy!! Do I understand!!! Thank you so much Kristyn. I used to wonder what was wrong with me before my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. My own family even said I put him on medication because I didn't know how to parent him. Then they said I caused his condition by letting him stay a few nights with Grandma when he was a baby. It never ends does it? To all of those who give the looks, I say, "Why don't you try one day in my shoes? Then maybe you wouldn't be so judgmental."

Christina Huffman (1406) 05 May 2006 04:15 PM

Thanks Krystyn. I used to be one of those, "Lady get control of your kids" type moms. My first two children would sit angelically in a grocery cart. My third child has sensory integration disfunction and we frequently have screaming, kicking, back arching melt downs at the store. Needless to say, I am much more understanding when I see other moms struggling. Yes, much of the time the kid does need someone to control him, but that's not always the case.

Melissa K. (163) 08 May 2006 11:44 AM

Thanks for a great article! Melissa

Andrea M (2525) 10 May 2006 09:13 AM

Oh WOW can I relate to this! Not only do I have an 8 yr old with behavior problems, but my 3 yr old has a speech delay and his way of communicating for a long time was crying, kicking, and screaming. This was his only way to communicate. Boy did I get the looks and still do, since you can't understand what he is saying most of the time. People always are giving us the "LOOK". Oh well!!! thank you for the great article:)