Interplanetary Parenting

by Linda Hansen | More from this Blogger

My boys sometimes think I am from another planet, hence the title. They do not understand my logic or agree with me on clothing. Both are in agreement that I am unfashionable. I can live with that. It's not likely you will ever run into me at WalMart wearing a baseball cap with the bill perched over my right ear. If making a fashion statement constitutes the inseam of my pants hanging just above the kneecap, a multitude of size 3X t-shirts layered on my back and adorned with enough oversized chains hanging around my neck to make me look like I should be wrapped around a set of snow tires, then chances are, I am not going to appear on the cover of any self respecting teen fashion magazine anytime soon.

The debate on fashionable attire has been ongoing since the boys moved in. At this point, any form of concurrence is at a stalemate. Paul agrees with me and the boys agree with each other. Luckily, in our house, the adults usually prevail. We refuse to let the boys wear anything that has that "gangsta ambiance". Pants can be worn loosely but no more than a couple of inches of free space are allowed between crotch and inseam. Belts must be worn, no exceptions to this rule. Although I strongly suspect they occasionally wind up in the hidden recesses of a backpack after boarding the bus to school. Questionable logos or illicit slang words on attire are strictly forbidden. Garments that advertise alcoholic beverages in any form are a no-no. Because of our mild Texas climate, bulky jackets are rarely worn. The zip up sweatshirt jacket with a hood is prevalent in this area. We agreed to the hoodie. They are actually not too offensive to the eye, rather sloppy to my taste but acceptable. The only problem I have is Daniel likes to pull the hood up over his head and wear his sunglasses. He bears an uncanny resemblance to the unibomber. It unnerves me a little.

The topic of piercing has come up on occasion. We have discussed it in depth and the boys are aware that no part of their anatomy will be perforated, in any manner. This includes but is not limited to tongues, eyebrows, lips, nostrils, and nipples. I don't think either one really wanted a piercing, it was just another way to get my rockets going and send me to Mars.

I am patiently waiting for clothing styles to cycle back to my generation's attire. I think Daniel and Randy would be adorable in flared bell bottoms and tire tread sandals. I would encourage lots of love beads to complete their ensemble. Randy would look quite fashionable with a simple gold chain bearing a peace symbol. Daniel would look darling in a tie dyed t-shirt that simply stated GIVE PEACE A CHANCE. Their winter attire would include sleeveless fur vests like Sonny and Cher wore. Those hoodies could go to Goodwill. If I could only get my little guys to emulate John Lennon.

I might as well move to the moon. It will never happen. You can't blame an old hippie for dreaming though....can ya?

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Linda Hansen is a retired restaurant manager and stay at home mom.

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