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Teaching Flexibility to a Child Who Resists Change

Children with autism spectrum disorders, behavioral disorders, and Sensory Integration Disorders often develop rigid thinking. They want certain things done at a certain times, in a certain order, and in a certain way. Otherwise, a tantrum ensues. That’s because these special kids often feel a loss of control over important aspects of their lives. What is normal and routine for the rest of us can be difficult and frustrating for them. Imagine having your body respond clumsily when you’re trying to do work or play. Or imagine being dragged from place to place by a parent and not having the … Continue reading →

Teaching Kids to Calm Themselves

I’ll be the first one to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with time-out. I’ve used this technique with Tyler and have experienced my fair share of successes and failures. In the November 2007 issue of Parenting, I read about an alternative to time-out and it sounds like a good idea. Let me share it with you. Basically, the author tells us to re-think time-out by not giving our kids time-outs when they are misbehaving. Instead, we should teach them to take their own time-out when they feel they are getting out of control. This method teaches kids to … Continue reading →

A Special Needs Parenting Energy Crisis?

What is the greatest gift that you can personally give your child? Take a moment and think about your answer. It it LOVE? Love is a wonderful thing, but nope. I don’t think so. Love is not enough. We’ve all heard of parents who probably loved their kids very much, but lost them due to neglect or abuse. I don’t think we can always say that abusive parents don’t love their children. Even neglectful parents may love their kids. But they don’t have the tools, knowledge, or mental health to be good parents. So I ask again, what is the … Continue reading →

Negative Reaction Addiction – Could Your Child Have It?

Regardless of your child’s diagnostic “label” (or lack thereof), if your son or daughter is persistently defiant and difficult, he or she might just have an addiction. In this case I’m not talking about a drug addiction, but an addiction to the negative reactions of others. In their book, Transforming the Difficult Child, Howard Glasser, MA, and Jennifer Easley, MA describe difficult children as being “literally addicted to negative reactions.” It sounds a little peculiar, but it makes sense. Some children continue to defy authority, rebel, throw tantrums, and do inappropriate things over and over again. (I’m referring to children … Continue reading →

Counting Out

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You can file this one under the category of you learn something new every day. If you’re like me, you’ve probably “counted out”. That’s when you tell your kids that you are going to count to three or five or ten and if they don’t stop doing whatever you’re going to do whatever. I found out yesterday that I was counting out wrong. Jeez, it never occurred to me that there was a right and wrong way to count to three. According to the current issue of the Family Education Network newsletter, there is indeed. They point out that many … Continue reading →

My Child Misbehaves at School but Not at Home

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It seems that most children, even from birth, have two personalities. They tend to change between the two depending on their company. Children tend to move back and forth between “I’m with mommy” mode and “mommy is not here” mode. Babysitters and family members have always told me that my children are less dependent and whiny when I am not around. Children tend to be more comfortable and relaxed around their main caregivers. Therefore, their attitude may be more outgoing, strong willed, or needy when they are with very familiar company. One comment that I hear very often from kindergarten … Continue reading →

“It’s Time for a Family Chill-Out.”

Children with special needs, and especially those with behavior problems, can get easily overwhelmed. As your child becomes more verbal and enters pre-adolescence, you’ll likely face numerous meltdowns and family fights. If you’re not careful, you might find yourself swept into the battle and getting as frenzied as your child. Soon everybody is yelling, crying, or complaining. Before things escalate out of control, step in and call for a family “chill out.” Here’s how it works: Mom or Dad calls a “chill-out.” Everybody has to stop talking, or making any vocalizations, for ten minutes. Whatever the current problem is, put … Continue reading →

Time-Out: What Counts As Quiet Time?

Time-out is one of those disciplinary techniques that never worked for me. In my early days as a mother, I had visions of Tyler going obediently to his room and taking his time-out like a soldier. The reality of the situation is he has never gone to time-out without a struggle. I understand the time-out procedure, in theory, and I believe I have followed the steps correctly but for some reason it never worked for me. Then I read something interesting today. It has always been my understanding that a child’s time starts when they are in the time-out area … Continue reading →

8 Difficult Autistic Behaviors (And Why They Happen)

Children with autism have numerous challenging behaviors for parents to deal with. Sometimes the behaviors seem to make no sense whatsoever. The child might seem unreachable, temperamental, and impossible to deal with. However, when we take a look at the underlying deficits that contribute to the problems, we can gain a better understanding. And with a little understanding, we are better equipped to find ways to help. The following is a list of eight typical behaviors of an autistic child, and their likely causes. This is not an exhaustive list of all autism symptoms, and some autistic children will only … Continue reading →

Setting Appropriate Limits for Your Special Needs Child

Setting limits for our children, especially children with behavioral difficulties, is extremely important. Yet it’s easier said than done. We often reach a point of desperation (“I’ll do ANYTHING to make the irritating behaviors stop”) and so we give in. But this is counter-productive. Setting limits for your son or daughter provides structure, which ultimately makes your child feel safe. Despite what they say with a sniffle and a whine, children crave structure and routine. When there’s chaos in their world, it’s hard to claim any sense of control. And that’s stressful, which creates more chaos. Here are three of … Continue reading →