How to Use the Naughty Stool (And Make it Your Friend)

by Kristyn Crow | More from this Blogger

There are all kinds of names for it. You know what I'm talking about--THE chair. The chair of last resort. The chair of no return. It's been called the "naughty stool," or "time-out," or "the chill-out chair." No matter what you call it, it can be a parent's friend and ally if it's used correctly. Children with disabilities are certainly not immune from needing a time-out on the chair. In fact, they may need the visual, concrete, and predictable aspect of the chair more than most. The problem is that parents often get sloppy using it.

In this blog, I'm going to address some "naughty stool" dos and don'ts. Are you following the rules?

1. DO discuss with your child IN ADVANCE the behaviors which will send him or her to the naughty stool. This is very important. (If he or she isn't verbal, use pictures of the behavior or simple icons to show what you mean. Keep a binder handy of simple pictures of the undesirable behaviors, with two words descriptions like "NO HITTING.") Your child should never be surprised he is getting sent to the naughty stool. He should know that if screams, hits, throws things, etc., he gets time on the stool. If a new behavior appears which wasn't discussed, you'll have to discuss it first, and add it to the list of no-nos before sending your child to the stool.

2. DO use one rule reminder if your child is very young. Rather than threaten or mention the chair, simply say, "Remember our rule about spitting." If it happens again, take him to the chair.

3. DO use a simple statement when sending your child to the stool. "If you spit, you get a time-out." Say nothing else. Look straight ahead. Take your child directly to the chair.

4. DO ignore all tantrums, outbursts, screams, threats, and tears. Your child will live through this experience. Have a specific amount of time he should sit on the stool, known in advance. A two year old would only need two to five minutes. A child who is five might need five or ten. One minute per year old is a good rule of thumb. But you know your child and her level of understanding. Some kids need more time and some less. Select an increment of time that will work as a deterrent without becoming torturous.

5. DO use a timer that beeps or rings when the time is up. Eventually your child will know very well what the sound of that beep means.

6. DO return your child to the seat immediately if he leaves before his time is up. Do this without speaking to the child or giving any undue attention. Your actions should be robotic. If the problem of leaving the chair is ongoing, add five minutes for each escape. Say only, "That's five more minutes."

7. DON'T threaten to put the child in the chair unless it's going to happen. Don't say, "If you do that one more time, you're going to time out." Or, "Do you want to sit on the chill-out chair? Huh? Do you?" These are threats that teach your child he might get away with bad behaviors once or twice before you'll follow through. You should never mention the naughty stool unless you child is on his way there. Again, a brief, stern mention of the rule that was broken is all that should be said.

8. DON'T argue or shout back and forth with your child as he sits on the chair. Don't negotiate. Don't say, "Sweetheart, I just want you to learn that...." etc. Your child should get NO attention, positive or negative, while on the chair. Completely ignore him unless he gets up to leave, and that's when you should robotically put him back, saying nothing until the time is up.

9. DON'T respond to questions like, "MOOoommm, how much time do I have left? Now how much? Now how much?"

10. DON'T give immediate hugs or praise when the bell rings. Otherwise, your child might purposely go to time out for the praise that follows. Quietly say, "Your time is up." Give hugs and praise later, when you notice your child engaging in good behavior.

11. DON'T be afraid to follow through!

12. DON'T believe you're a bad parent if you have to use the naughty stool. On the contrary, you're helping your child build a good foundation for positive social skills.

Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.

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No need. They spend a lot of time there already.

Learn more about Kristyn Crow

Kristyn Crow is the mother of seven children, and the author of three children's books. Visit her website at www.kristyncrow.com.

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