"How Can We Ever Be Friends?" Katie and Vincent's Story

by Kristyn Crow | More from this Blogger

23 May 2006 09:44 AM

I read an article in this weeks PEOPLE magazine that really made me smile. It's a shining example of how peer tutoring, or mentoring, is a fabulous concept that should be promoted in every school in the nation. The article, written by Richard Jerome and Lori Rozsa (May 29, 2006), highlights a special relationship between two students: Vincent Benito, who is 15 and has autism, and his peer mentor, Katie Davis, 13. The two attend Thomas E. Weightman Middle School in Wesley Chapel, Florida.

Before Katie made the decision to be a peer mentor, she thought it would be an easy "A." All she'd have to do, she thought, was follow some handicapped kid around. Simple. She never realized that a genuine friendship would form. Prior to taking on her mentoring duties, she was one of the kids who would occasionally laugh at Vincent, making fun of his stereotypical autistic behaviors like arm-flapping, and calling him "retarded."

But Katie was assigned to be his mentor, as part of a program where 20 eighth graders were paired up with disabled children at the school. At first, Vincent wouldn't look at her or speak to her. Katie wondered how in the world this would work. "They told me friendships form, but I'm like, 'How can we ever be friends?'"

Eight months later, the two fell into a comfortable routine of attending classes, with Katie coaching Vincent and keeping him on task. "Vincent, do your math," she instructs him gently. She also enters Vincent's world by engaging him in conversations about the things he loves and perseverates about, namely Mickey Mouse. She asks him, "Who is this, Vincent?" when he finds a Disney website on the internet. "Mickey Mouse!" he replies. By entering Vincent's world, she simultaneously has brought him out several steps farther into hers.

"He feels a connection with Katie," says Vincent's mother. He can tease her a little, and he loves that back and forth."

One afternoon, Katie invited Vincent to sit with her at lunch. Slowly, the other students began treating him with more acceptance and understanding. "Because he has autism," says Katie, "many of us think he isn't normal. But the truth is, he is more normal and even smarter than some of the people I know. After a while with him, I start to forget that he has a disability at all."

Peer mentoring programs are wonderful because they provide a learning opportunity for both the disabled student and the mentor. The disabled student has a "model" to follow who can demonstrate appropriate behaviors and set an example. And the mentor learns compassion, understanding, gratitude, and unconditional love. Honestly, could there be a more mutually beneficial arrangement?

As a parent of several special needs children, I am a huge advocate for peer mentoring/peer tutoring programs. The inspiring story of Katie and Vincent is just one example of many. For more information about peer tutoring, see my blogs, "Encourage Your Teen (or Pre-Teen) To Be a Peer Tutor!" and "Ten Tips for Teen Peer Tutors."

Learn more about Kristyn Crow

Kristyn Crow is the mother of seven children, and the author of three children's books. Visit her website at www.kristyncrow.com.

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Libby Pelham (12876) 23 May 2006 02:04 PM

I read that story too Kristyn and thought it was very touching.

Bonnie Sayers (1298) 28 May 2006 08:43 PM

I really liked the story and want to find a link to it so I can include it in my weekly newsletter, which is how I found this blog posting.

I subscribed to this but still have not received anything with links showing me a new post - guess it does not work that way?

I think I am going to make copies of the article to send out to people, it was nice to read such a positive article, especially since my son is finishing up fourth grade and middle school is on the horizon.

I noticed months ago that Best Buddies program is not at the middle school he will attend.

Bonnie Sayers http://autismspectrumdisorders.bellaonline.com

Kristyn Crow (2546) 29 May 2006 09:00 AM

Bonnie, I've been told that the best way to subscribe is to do it by email, using the blank box to type in your email address. Make sure your address with families.com is current. You should get new posts this way. If not, let me know and I'll investigate the problem further.

I would try speaking to officials at your son's school about a starting a mentoring program. Bring the PEOPLE article, or I have posts about peer tutoring. Talk about all the benefits, etc. Schedule an IEP meeting where you have their full attention. Be insistent. You could be the one to get peer mentoring going for a whole lot of kids who need it!

Thank you for reading!

Kristyn Crow