Don't Let Your Special Needs Teen Be a Fashion Reject!

by Kristyn Crow | More from this Blogger

03 Apr 2006 07:47 AM

Something happens during the adolescent years, and suddenly dress and grooming take on a new importance. Most teenagers quickly become fashion "experts," dismissing their parents' suggestions. They develop their own sense of style, which identifies them socially amongst their peers. What often happens to special needs kids, however, is that they have no idea how to fit in fashion-wise. They wear whatever Mom dresses them in, and don't know any better. They stand out as odd-balls, "rejects," and "losers."

Calling All Parents!

Parents, this is where you come in. Now pay attention, please! If you send your disabled son to school with high-waisted pants that reach up to his armpits, or your daughter with mismatched clothes and messy hair, you are failing him or her. (Okay, I'm exaggerating, but at least I've got your attention.) Your teen has no chance, whatsoever, of being accepted by his peers if he stands out so miserably. Looking "right" can help your child avoid bullying.

Now I'm not suggesting that you spend two thousand dollars on a new wardrobe for your kid. I'm on a budget, just like you are. But if you save up and buy just a couple of "cool" outfits, you would be making an amazing investment in your child's social future. And if you do a little research, you can find reasonably priced stores.

But I don't know the current teen styles!

Clothing - Get a teen fashion advisor. In fact, I think you should do this even if you think you know the trends. (It's likely you're wrong.) Do some looking around and find a teenager who has good fashion-sense. A teen who attends your child's school would be ideal. If your child doesn't have a fashion-conscious sibling, contact a niece or nephew, family friend, or peer tutor recommended by the school, etc. (But make sure it's a socially-accepted teen.) Invite him or her to go out on a shopping trip. Bring your son or daughter along, and have the teen assist you in outfitting him properly. The goal is not to make your child stand out as an over-dressed choir boy, but to "fit in" with what the other kids are wearing.

Haircut - Is your child's haircut up-to-date with current trends? Or are you putting a bowl over his head and getting out the family razor? Take your child to a trendy salon, and ask a hairdresser for advice. The younger the hairdresser, the more likely it is she'll know the standard teen hairstyles. You can also watch a few teen T.V. shows, or buy a couple teen magazines and pay close attention to the styles you see.

Hygiene - If your child has dirty ears, greasy hair, or a strange "odor," she is going to be a target of ridicule. Make sure you teach your child to bathe or shower daily, brush his teeth, use deodorant, use q-tips, and change his underwear. It sounds obvious, but I have observed over the years that some of the students in my son's special needs classes have looked very unkempt. I have wondered how those kids' parents could let them face the world that way.

Fortunately for me, my autistic son attends a junior high where uniforms are worn. Phew! That takes a load off. However, I still have to check his zipper, his collar, and remind him about brushing his teeth.

Parents, don't forget about these crucial aspects of teenage years. Don't leave your child in a hopeless social predicament. Make sure he or she is clean, neat, and in style!

Learn more about Kristyn Crow

Kristyn Crow is the mother of seven children, and the author of three children's books. Visit her website at www.kristyncrow.com.

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Shoshanna Grey (2785) 03 Apr 2006 03:26 PM

AWESOME article! This is so important. I know so many kids (both special needs kids, and those who are just a little socially awkward) who would really fit in a lot better if their parents helped them with their clothes, hair and hygiene. Thanks so much for addressing this important issue!

WhiteRaven (6) 18 Sep 2007 01:32 AM

this is ridiculous, i have quite severe special needs, and i hate the way that people that think they know what they are talking about try and offer stupid advice that works for no one, what you are trying to do is control, not help, there is a big differance, sure, if someone goes to school and chooses an outlandish style, the parents should perhaps intervene, but that's it, you shouldn't be telling people to dress their children themselves, it is ridiculous

Kristyn Crow (2546) 18 Sep 2007 05:47 AM

I'm not sure what is bothering you about the blog--this is mainly referring to children who are NOT able to groom or dress themselves without help, who require their parents assistance, and who would wear whatever was put in front of them because they don't have the capacity to select clothing or comprehend style trends. In a situation like this parents need to educate themselves about the kinds of styles their child's neuro-typical peers are wearing and make certain their son or daughter arrives at school with good hygeine so he or she has the best chance of making friends and relating to others. I'm sorry you feel the advice is "stupid," please remember I have a son with autism so I speak from personal experience, not just because I "think" I know what I am talking about. If your own special needs are mainly physical and not cognitive, perhaps you are perfectly well suited to select your own clothing, and I'm sure you do an excellent job on your own. Thus, this blog does not apply to you.

Kristyn Crow (2546) 18 Sep 2007 06:02 AM

P.S. As an extreme example, if I bought my almost-fifteen-year-old son with autism a Barney the Dinosaur T-Shirt, he would probably wear that to school, not knowing any better, and thus be a target of ridicule. It's up to me to make sure he's dressed in a way that affords him dignity and promotes good relationships.

Miriam Caldwell (8030) 18 Sep 2007 12:41 PM

I have a brother with special needs and I agree that this is important. It helps my brother feel more confident and comfortable because he is in-style. However, he doesn't know what exactly that is. He has also been made fun of for seemingly small things regarding his sense of style and self. Sadly teachers can be just as affected and rush to judgment as a child social peers. Thanks for the article.

Kathy2 (5) 29 Feb 2008 08:34 PM

My child goes to a school that has to wear uniform out of 604 children he is the only child that is in full uniform each day with the school's name on his uniform. there is a boy in his reg class that has been calling him GAY wad for about 5 months when I talk to the teacher about it she tells me she doesn't hear it or see it happening. I have had other children come up to me and ask if I was the mother and answering them, they tell me did you know there is a boy in his class that calls him a Gay wad. I have talked to the principal at the school told her what I have heard and what I was told by other children from other classes she more less called me a lier. her words were ," your telling me all of the 3rd graders know this child is doing this and I said yes, she told me NO I don't believe it. I said ask them, she told me NO, she would ask the teachers. I said ok and if you find out I'm right then what she said I will handle it. she then calls me the next day telling me she did talk with the children and fould out that it was going on and found out who it was. she talked to them and talked to the teacher, she said thats all she can do, she can't stop it from happening. I don't understand 1, any teacher saying if she didn't see it or hear it, it didn't happen. 2 a principal's telling a parent they were lying. 3 a principal can't stop this type of things from going on in thier school. any one explain this to me please.