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Being Mom in a New Moon Phase

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Moms go through phases just like the moon. Today I’m in a “new moon” phase, where everything is dark and I’m waiting for enlightenment, change, and the ability to somehow start over again. I’ve reached a point with my ten-year-old stepdaughter where I know I need help. I feel myself unraveling and I recognize that I’ve lost my equilibrium. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I need a mini-vacation where I turn this child temporarily over to the total care and control of her father—just until I can get my bearings again. This morning there was another argument. She … Continue reading →

When the Honeymoon is Over

Not everyone who adopts retains the euphoric feeling that often comes after the news of being selected or matched. These feelings sometimes diminish even before meeting the child due to fear and anxiety of the unknown. Many of these fears subside upon meeting the child. Honeymoon periods vary in each situation. Parents go through their own honeymoon phase as do their children sometimes. With my first son, the excitement lasted about 8 months until it really hit me that I was a mom and found myself caught up in everyday life. With my youngest son who was technically foster at … Continue reading →

Children Who Can’t Trust

When an infant has a need (such as the need for nourishment) which is not met, there is a big emotional response. That’s because the stakes are so great. If the child isn’t nourished, he will die. So he makes his needs known rather dramatically, crying and thrashing about. If this emotional response eventually brings him the sustenance he needs, he begins learning to trust. He discovers that when he is vulnerable, someone in his life will respond lovingly. As the child grows and develops, trust continues to build as the cycle repeats over and over again. For example, the … Continue reading →